Who am I now that I have retired? is a question that often needs some serious contemplation. The primary roles in our lives have defined us throughout the stages of our existence. As children we were daughters and sons, extensions of our parents. We knew ourselves only as connected to those whose love encompassed us. We grew in our personality. We went to school and became students and became ball players and ballerinas. At first our identity was something we borrowed from make-believe and, yet, it still seemed to fit us, and we began the process of developing our individuality – our unique selves.
Some of us were shy and others quite outgoing; some of us were talkative and some rather quiet. And some were brave and welcomed new adventure while others were careful and tended to need Mom’s reassurance.
Yes this thinking takes us a long way back, but perhaps going all the way back to our own beginning helps us to recognize and value the traits we’ve carried with us throughout our lives. Now many of those traits, the personality traits we had as little children, have stayed with us and have strongly influenced our life and our relationships as we moved from childhood to adulthood, from teenager to college student, from someone’s child to someone’s spouse to someone’s parent. Now, a lifetime later, our personality continues to define who we are while exploring our own identity.
We move on and take our personality with us. Retirement will be what we want it to be, and it needs to fit to be fulfilling and rewarding. For most of us, our work life was probably quite compatible with our personality, or at least it didn’t contradict it. The level of involvement with other people during our work day and the leader or follower relationship with coworkers (formally or informally) most likely worked pretty well for us.
If our work clearly defined our self-worth or self-image, we need to find ways to replicate this contributing factor of our self-fulfillment in our retirement. Without it, we will feel a void – the same kind of void some couples experience when their children leave home. The restless retirement syndrome can be compared to the empty-nest syndrome. Something is missing. Sure we don’t have to get up and go to work every day, and that should be good news. However, it really depends a lot on what we do instead. It depends on how well our self-identity is established in a manner that suits our identity. A good match meant a good life. Now, in retirement, we may need to find new ways to create the match. And on the other hand, if adulthood up to now wasn’t all that great, we’ll do well to go back to our roots and recognize and value our true God-given identity.
(excerpts from Quality of Life: 5 Stages of Retirement Success by Karen Bachert)
